tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
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i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
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