So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
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