I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
i think i scared a bird with my dick
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
Randomize
