I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Randomize
