i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
