I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
