why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
Who wears a wallet chain?!
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
Randomize
