Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
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