dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
Randomize
