4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
Randomize
