I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Randomize
