I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
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