I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
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