I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Randomize
