yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
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