I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
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