Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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