Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
Randomize
