Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
