he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
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