Where are you?
In a non slutty way
Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
Randomize
