I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
Do you remember whose house we're in?
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
