i think my tv is drunk
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
Pants are for mortals
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Randomize
