i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
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