maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
Randomize
