I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
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