I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
Randomize
