Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
ugly people sure do ruin things
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
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