I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
