If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
