i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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