Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Randomize
