So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
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