I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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