Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
