"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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