hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
Randomize
