So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
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