maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
