tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
Randomize
