shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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