It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
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