Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
