Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
Randomize
