Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
