Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
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