2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
I wanna passion pit in your ass
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Randomize
