I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize
