He disabled his match.com account in front of me
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
