You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
Randomize
