I didn't shave. On purpose
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
