Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
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