if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
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