He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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