Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
