Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
Randomize
