Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
Randomize
