It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
You can't just leave with hair like that
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
Randomize
