Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
Randomize
