The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Randomize
