I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
Randomize
