Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
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