You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
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