If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
Randomize
