Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
