i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Randomize