I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Randomize
