dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
Randomize
